What You Can Eat at the Wedding

In the welcome post that you may or may not have read, you might remember (or not) a mention of there being a lunch following the wedding ceremony. In fact, this is what you would have seen, or might have definitely seen: Following the ceremony will be a delicious lunch, catered by somebody--not sure who yet.

Well, Josh and Liz finally figured out who's going to cater the lunch, and whoever it is has prepared a delicious menu, as promised. Deliciousness is in the eye-mouth of the beholder, though, and it seems that in lieu of a buffet, where the odds would be high that you might find at least one thing to eat that isn't completely disgusting, you'll be treated/subjected to a sit-down meal, in which you'll have to force yourself to not only consume, but to also pretend like you enjoy whatever's put in front of you, even if it's something gross like mushrooms.

There will, however, be two entrees to choose from, which will either have the effect of producing a Morton Fork paradox or a Buridan's Ass paradox, depending on whether you find the two choices equally revolting or equally scrumptious. Or one might just sound better than the other, in which case the choice is made for you, isn't it?

1) Brined, marinated chicken breast, tarragon chervil buerre blanc

-OR-

2) Herb Panko crusted citrus marinated salmon, herbed buerre blanc sauce


with a vegetarian alternate of: Two risotto cakes, asparagus and roasted root veggies.

I don't know what most of those words mean, and even though we live in the "Information Age," where I could easily find out those words' meanings, my laziness is such that I can barely bring myself to type these sentences, much less move my fingers down to the track pad so I can open up a new window and bring up Google. So you're on your own if you want to know what a bare blank sauce is.

After you've decided, you'll need to let Josh and Liz know which entree you prefer. You could send them your choice via text, phone call or email I suppose, but since you're already cruising around the Internet like a lunatic, you might as well leave a comment in the comment section of this post that says whether you want chicken or fish. Or vegetables, because there's that vegetarian option.

SO MANY CHOICES.

Welcome

Congratulations. You've somehow managed to stumble upon a website that will hopefully tell you everything you need to know about a certain couple who have decided to throw caution to the wind and get married after four years of courtship dating for not that long, really, in the grand scheme of things. The couple's names are Joshua Snyder and Elizabeth Miller, and they're getting married on Saturday December 11th, 2010.

Interesting. Tell me more.

Their wedding will take place at the Greystone Inn, in Durham, North Carolina, and start at approximately 11 am. The ceremony will probably last between ten and twenty minutes, depending on how adept the couple is at repeating phrases. Following the ceremony will be a delicious lunch, catered by somebody--not sure who yet. A good time will most likely be had by all.

Joshua and Liz sound really cool.

They are.

Can I come watch them get married?

Well, that depends. Did you receive an invitation in the regular, post-office-type mail that includes all of the above information about the wedding?

I did!

Fantastic. Simply fill out the RSVP card they provided, slip it into the self-addressed, stamped envelope that's undoubtedly included, and put it back in the mailbox you originally got the invitation out of (you'll have to lift that little red flag on the side of the mailbox so the guy who comes and gets the mail knows to take it--it's complicated, I know, but there's not yet an app for that). If you're still stumped, you can email your response to snyderfits@yahoo.com.

Let's say I didn't receive an invitation. Does that mean I'm not invited?

Not necessarily. Josh and Liz are the type of couple that like to take their sweet time with things get things done as they're able, and as of this posting, they were able to make a website before they had everything lined up to send out physical invitations.

So if I haven't received an invitation, but I'm reading the website, how do I know I'm invited?

Well, are you related to either Josh or Liz?

Yes.

Then what probably happened is that one of them told you the website address so you could see all the wedding details for yourself, with the implication being that you are, in fact, invited to their wedding ceremony, which, for various and sundry reasons, is going to be a small, family-only affair.

I'm not related to either one of them that I know of. What about me?

This is a question that should probably be best addressed to either Josh or Liz directly.

How do I contact them?

Well, if you know them well enough to want to come to their wedding, then surely you must have their phone numbers or email addresses.

I don't.

Then how, may I ask, did you find this website?

Like you said, I just stumbled upon it.

Then the internet is lamer than any of us ever imagined.